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harassed on the street.

The angry watermelon man

saturday was a hell of a day to be an artist out in public. well, for me anyway.

firstly i went to frankston and, whilst recording sound outside the station, got told i was a wanker and that i should "go back to melbourne, where you belong!". hmm.. did i have to think about that suggestion for too long? ah, no.

secondly, recording in st.kilda, on grey vs gurner, i had a full-on argument with a 'concerned' (read: paranoid) citizen that i was taking photos/video of him and had to rescue my camera from being busted. even after showing him the very tightly cropped footage of me and my laptop, he was being very unreasonable. he threatened to complain to the uni and was unimpressed that i was unwilling to just divulge my name, course, subject, etc because he was unimpressed.

then, the piece de resistance was the effeminate ice-head on chapel st who sidled up to me (photographing headphones in a window) and said

"hey random lesbian" (presumably because of my short hair [gasp!] and casual attire, not because i was fucking a girl on the street)

to which i replied "hey random idiot"

which of course resulted in idle chit chat and pleasantries, such as cigarettes being flicked at me, jostling, menacingly following me up chapel street and yelling at me "YOU GODDAMN FUCKING... PUSSY MUNCHER!!".


i've not been quite so shocked at the level of vilification about my sexuality - especially as i'm not a lesbian. although this isn't the first time that the crime of being a lesbian has been the worst insult random idiots have thought to throw at me, this is the first time i have actually feared for my safety - being intimidated/followed down chapel street isn't really warm and fuzzy.

thankfully, i have been followed through kings cross in sydney and i just happened to have had a tripod handy, so i just strode of confidently down the street and prayed that the little misogynist would contract syphilis.

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At 18 May, 2009 14:54, Blogger mayhem said...

Ew! that's horrible. right. I'm never going south of bourke street EVER AGAIN. - i've also got a spare wig you can borrow - I bought it for a Eurovision arty but i was too fagged to go to.... aren't all straight girls meant to look like Schappylle?

At 18 May, 2009 15:04, Blogger lauren said...

and here i was being broad-minded by heading over the river in the first place. harrumph!!

and thank you sweetie for the loan of your wig - my schappylle look-alike do is failing miserably and your help is very much-appreciated :) next step is obviously to get a boob-job.

At 18 May, 2009 15:24, Anonymous NH said...

"Funniest thing since Curb your enthusiasm"
Variety Magazine

" Like Ellen, but with humor..and apparently no munching"
NY Times

Must have been ackward at the time, but this post has me laughing out loud.

At 18 May, 2009 23:26, Anonymous peggy said...

what a crappy day! there must have been something in the air, apparently.

as for the guy... don t think he will have much fun (let alone even getting chances to catch an std) in his future life behaving like such an aggressive idiot.

At 19 May, 2009 09:29, Anonymous charlie gower said...

how delightful and friendly people are.
what fun you must have had.
This is why we should all be allowed to carry automatic weapons...

At 19 May, 2009 13:23, Blogger eddy carroll said...

What the fuck is going on!!!!
We cant win, look like or be either Corby sister and you'll end up in surf shop in bali with a whole lotta other dickheads or an indonesian prison, look like a
a nineteen year old rugby fan and well, we dont want to go there, look or actually are gay, holy crap, as someone once said to me and my short crop, "why would you want to do that to your self, love?"....

I'm seeing more than Red right now, poor love.

At 20 May, 2009 02:01, Blogger Robert said...

I can't believe you were in the multi-cultural, accepting society that is Australia ... unless of course, that's all a crock of shit because in reality there's a fairly decent sized proportion of the population that are small minded bigots who think anyone who doesn't drive a V8 and follow the footie is a 'gay'.

At 20 May, 2009 07:23, Blogger Will said...

That is rubbish. This is why I try to keep headphones on when outside...

At 20 May, 2009 08:15, Blogger lauren said...

NH - you, sir, are hilarious!

peggy - yes, well, the sad thing about fuckwits is that they breed, whether it's about 'fun' or not.

charlie - people really are delightful and believe me, it was a barrel'o'laughs. you would have loved it!

rob - careful, your petticoat is showing. :)

will - these cases were above and beyond the scope of headphones. interesting that you should reference my masters research in the course of your comment. bosh to you :)

At 21 May, 2009 06:25, Blogger Age said...

Lucky you had an awesome birthday party to escape to!

At 21 May, 2009 08:46, Anonymous lauren said...

knowing that i had an awesome birthday party to go to afterwards got me through mate. for real :)

At 23 May, 2009 02:20, Blogger Stanley Johnson said...

You should come down to Brighton darling!

Worse thing that happens here is....Oh that's right, you get shot in your driveway and end up as a storyline in the original Underbelly.

At 25 May, 2009 16:06, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like you're going thru the "suffering for your art" thing

(Best from chch)


At 28 May, 2009 12:37, Blogger Unknown said...

what were you doing fucking a girl on the street anyway?

At 28 May, 2009 13:37, Blogger lauren said...

@grant hello!! lovely to hear from you... yes, suffering for my art. as much as i don't buy into the 'suffering artist' bollocks anymore, that's a much nicer way of thinking about it :)

@raph it's a lesbian thing. you gay boys wouldn't understand :D


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