reasons i'm obviously not mature.

according to some trashy source that i can't remember - probably CLEO magazine - here are 30 things you're supposed to have done before you're 30.

1.Channel an old school movie and throw a drink in a man's face.
nope - although i have slapped a guy in the face for being a total jerk-off.

2.Delete the words “like, random and totally” from your vocab.
nope, nope and nope. i even still use words like 'wicked, awesome and whatevs'.. luhoo-suher.

3.Break someone’s heart; similarly, have your own broken.
well, ok.

4.Divorce toxic friends.
hmm... divorce toxic job?

5.Drink a champagne cocktail in a Paris bar.
nope. does dancing 'til 3am on the podium of a paris club count? or is that 'things to do before you turn 20'

6.Master the art of choosing the perfect wine.
pff.

7.Confess that (present or past) crush on your best male friend.
uh. nope.

8.Drive a wickedly cool car, even if you have to rent it.
uh, nope.

9.Use an alias for a day.
hmm. what about an avatar? does that count? or introducing yourself as 'jane' to random drunkards who ask your name? how about that?

10.Visit a strip club.
visit... strange use of the word.. like move in? or just pop in for a cuppa? how about no.

11.Have a favourite book which isn’t chick-lit.
i don't even fucking read chick-lit.

12.Quit a job, without having another one to go to.
yay!! i did this one!

13.Buy a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black-lace bra.
yes, yes and no. lace is crap.

14.Learn who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
sure, but i've hardly mastered the art.

15.Live by yourself (for at least six months).
yes, ok. six months is my limit.

16.Travel somewhere by yourself – a foreign country, another city or just a road trip to the country.
yup. and blog about it, fool!

17.Forgive someone who wronged you; apologise to someone you've wronged.
of course. i think you should do that from the age of 17, so it's hardly a mark of maturity.

18.Master cooking one impressive three-course meal.
pff.

19.Learn to change a tyre.
see #17..

20.Buy an original piece of art.
yup. good idea. and if you haven't already, i suggest you contact me straight away.

21.Volunteer for a charity you care about.
yup. but you should always do this.

22.Break-up with a man who you know is bad for you; similarly, have a fling with a man who you know is bad for you!
yup and yup. although i shudder to think that 30 is the only milestone for this. and maybe the better thing to do is to stop going out with jerk-offs?

23.Dine solo in a restaurant – no phone, book or notebook allowed.
i have, but i wouldn't recommend it. it isn't always nice. and i like my own company!

24.Run a marathon.
uh. no.

25.Pay off your credit card(s)/HECS debt/car loan.
i only just paid off my car loan. but by 30? next they'll be asking me to have saved enough money for a deposit on a house... because that's what all good 30-year old girls do, right? and what about marriage. surely i should be married with children by now?

26.Spend a whole pay packet on a pair of shoes.
uh. no.

27.Have a killer joke you tell perfectly ready to use for those awkward moments.
and if you haven't by the time you're 30, that's it. it's all over.
erm..surely having a sense of humour is a life-long ambition.

28.Try something you always said you’d never do – whether it be sky-driving or eating escargot.
or reading CLEO.

29.Learn how to stand up for yourself, rather than silently seething when you receive poor customer service or someone makes
a snide remark.
see #17

30.Have a one-night stand (or more than one).
yeah. 'cos that's what being a 30-something is all about - having one-night stands, yo.