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31.5.08

oh dear.

in terms of all those vital question words, i think 'why?' is the most complex: behind door number 1: it can encourage analysis, critical thought and can elevate you above reacting to life on a day-to-day basis. behind door number 2: it can send you spiralling into a very unhelpful existential crisis, where you begin to doubt the very core of life..

the other day i stumbled into the second door, stupidly asking myself 'why would i get into a relationship?'. and i couldn't come up with a decent answer. i realised that every benefit i get from being in an intimate relationship with someone else is either something i have already in other areas of my life, with other people, or not worth the effort. do i just consider it something i want just because others do it? why do people look for love? is it worthwhile going through all that insecurity. uncomfortability, sacrifice? for something that ultimately has a doubtful outcome?

see? dire train of thoughts..

Labels: random shit

5 Comments:

At 31 May, 2008 12:24, Anonymous said...: I know exactly that you mean. I think.

I've always found that choice doesn't really come into it though. If it's a compulsion, you do it anyway, and somehow post rationalise the sacrifices after...or never. But then again if you've got to that stage you don't care about them so much anyway.
At 02 June, 2008 12:30, lauren said...: hey beeker! nice to see ya here and i'm glad you know what i meant. kind of. i did wonder how much choice we have in it and if there is choice - well, then there's the why. and if there's no choice, well, that's OK i guess. but a little scary at the same time because there's the possibility that the un-choice will swing a lifetime celibacy card my way too! eek!
At 03 June, 2008 06:06, Matt Moore said...: LB - So you don't "need" anyone. That means that if you do find someone huggable and hot then it will probably be fun and cool rather than nasty-intense and screwed-up. Nothing is more unattractive than neediness. Anyway, rational considerations count for jack in the lurve stakes so your angst is irrelevant. MM
At 03 June, 2008 10:16, lauren said...: thanks MM. i've been thinking about this and i was reminded of a conversation i had with a dear friend about the 'disney generation' that believes in no choice about love. that prince charming/cindarella sweeps you off your feet. i don't know if that's really how it works either. i think you have to have some rational considerations about relationships, otherwise me and brad pitt would have shacked up long before he met that scrag jolie. (well, ok, maybe not, but you get my drift).

btw - are you back in the country or are you wasting valuable US dollars on such navel gazing?
At 07 June, 2008 17:23, Charles Edward Frith said...: We are what we share and a life shared is great if we find it. But its a tragedy if done for reasons other than the best.

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31.5.08

oh dear.

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