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to my future employers*


perhaps you've received my CV and you can see that i've had a lot of good quality experience and you're interested in knowing a bit more about me. or perhaps you've already spoken to me and are thinking of calling me in for an interview, maybe even a second interview (or god forbid, a third, ahem).

well, there's something you should know about me.

i have a brain.
i have a sense of humour

i have a lip ring.
i have 'two-toned hair'
i have tattoos.

and they won't change any time soon.

and there's something else you should know.

this does not and will never prevent me from doing my job well or being well-presented. they are not a precursor to me being rude or unhelpful to clients. nor does it mean that i'm not an intelligent, resourceful, efficient and easy-going person who will absolutely kick-arse at my job and still have time for an art career and two blogs as well.

if you're reading this and you're not sure if you can quite handle it. or perhaps your MD is going to suggest to you that i "change my hair and take out the piercing", then don't bother. i'm OK that we won't be a match and i'm sure there's a more mature organisation out there. but please, do me the service of being honest and upfront from the beginning, otherwise you're just fucking both of us around.

kind regards


*applicable to london employers only. employers everywhere else don't seem to have a problem.



At 19 July, 2007 02:22, Blogger Age said...

What a crock.

Fuck London, come back to Melbourne where you'll most certainly SHINE!

At 19 July, 2007 07:31, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lauren - Fuck London. Come to Munich. Sweetheart, you way too good to be fucked about like this.

At 19 July, 2007 07:38, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bollocks to London.

From someone who's never really fit in, and doesn't want to.

At 19 July, 2007 07:42, Blogger Rob Mortimer (aka Famous Rob) said...

Stupid people.
But i'm glad you see things the right way round, don't ever change just for them.

At 19 July, 2007 09:35, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK. So who was it ?

At 19 July, 2007 11:38, Blogger lauren said...

hi guys,
thanks a bunch for your support. i've decided to take some sound counsel and use "anger is an energy" to just aim high, to fuck some shit up here (in a good way).

At 19 July, 2007 12:20, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck the shit up to your heart's delight, Lauren. Just don't get your lip ring caught on any of it - now that's very sensible health and safety advice.

At 19 July, 2007 14:48, Blogger Jade said...

It's just not cricket.

At 19 July, 2007 16:01, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just call your Granny - I know that'll make you better.

At 19 July, 2007 16:11, Blogger lauren said...

hey jade! i know! it's quite ridiculous that the mayor of wollongong happily meets with me, bends over backwards to help out the gallery, but some idiot in a suit can't deal with it! ha!

rob - my nanna went home this morning! boo hoo! but she did encourage me to 'use' my anger, just before she left. thanks again for your support - you're ace!

At 20 July, 2007 05:33, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I lived in Wollongong [oh the nightmare], the Mayor of Wollongong was a sexual deviant who got charged with misconduct [then I think got murdered] - I hope he wasn't the one you met or your argument sort-of falls abit flat, ha!

At 20 July, 2007 15:15, Blogger Stanley Johnson said...

Surely there has to be an artwork in this 'experience' Lauren?

At 20 July, 2007 18:33, Blogger Jade said...

yes Rob, mayor frank arkell was murdered by one of his victims and stabbed in the eyes with pins. There are all sorts of nasty stories about local politics here, but none quite so nasty as that. Mostly just corruption, not quite so interesting....arkell was murdered in '98, long before Lauren got here.

Yeah Lauren it's pretty bizarre that you experienced hick-town wollongong in some way being more accepting than 'cosmopolitan' london. But then i guess we are accustomed to murdered pedophile mayors. Who's gonna bat an eyelid at two-toned hair??? At least your piercings are not in the eye =)

Doesn't do much for the unfortunate and somewhat old-fashioned stereotype of Brits being a bit pompous does it? I'm sure it's mostly just the potential employers that are that way inclined. hopefully.

At 25 July, 2007 17:16, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, we don't hire anyone who at least hasn't got an additional ose ring and three-toned hair.

A not-future employer

At 25 July, 2007 17:21, Blogger Seb said...

Lauren - simply fuck London. Dirty city, exaggerated flatshare prices, the most expensive and impractical underground system in the world...should I go on? Come to lovely Hamburg (fuck Munich). We've got not so expensive flats and underground, an innercity lake and St. Pauli, a place with people that would describe your self-description as a bit "conservative".

Anyway, please stay in London as long as I am staying. And thanks for the gumtree-thing. it fills out my day. Ha.

At 25 July, 2007 20:15, Blogger lauren said...

well anonymous, i've got a job in an art shop now, so i don't need your stinking employment. but thanks for taking the time to skite :)

seb - at least you've got work here already! the rest will be a breeze! i won't be ending up in hamburg, sorry. but we'll hang out together in london, i promise.


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